Following the success of my previous blogpost about Things My Children Have Taught Me (well, 10 people read it, a few people ‘liked’ it, my mum didn’t send an immediate emergency text about it – living the d-ream peoplllllle) I thought I’d continue – focussing on things my 3 year old has taught me and they are as follows:
11. Non-Sequiturs thrown casually into conversation really throw people.
Old Person to 3 Year Old: “What’s your name dear?”
3 Year Old to Old Person: “Do you like crumpets?”
12. If at first you don’t succeed… you know the rest. This child throws himself into something with more enthusiasm than Annika Rice given a challenge to run to that building over there whilst someone films her bum. He throws himself into EVERYTHING and he normally fails. But does is perturb him? Does it hell… he will throw his entire self into exactly the same thing again with the exact same amount of gusto next time. Some (most) people call this stupidity. I like to think it’s perseverance.
See Exhibit A below: Note the obscenely long run up. I did stop filming in case of injury etc but you have my word that he laughed about it afterwards. Although not as much as me.
Also see Exhibit B: (Side note how can a human actually fall over from swinging a racket. That would be impossible for most, not my little Annika though) He also laughed about this, oh how we all laughed.. till he hit his sister over the head with the racket in an elaborate crimewatch style reconstruction. Yeah, then we stopped laughing…
13. Children cope remarkably well with major life adjustments. He’s moved, he’s had a new arrival in the shape of a baby sister and he’s spent the entirety of his 3 years of life being watched over/bossed about by an older shout -ier sister. Taken it all in his unsteady stride.
14. Children cope remarkably badly with minor life adjustments. Sure he can move house and eat in a different kitchen but can he eat in a different chair to the one he normally sits in, errrr no. A slightly different bedtime 15 minutes earlier/later than normal, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
15. Some kids don’t need that much sleep. This is absolutely terrifying news but totally true in his case. He sleeps deeply and briefly. He has been known to call me into his room at 3am, give a quick stretch and start clambering out of bed in the manner of someone who is lazily getting out of bed after a lie in. This is known as a FRANK THINKS IT IS THE MORNING STAGE 1 GRADE A RED ALERT FAMILY EMERGENCY. If sirens wouldn’t wake up the whole household they would be activated. Our current reaction to this emergency is running around the house in sheer panic whispering to each other ‘He thinks it’s the morning, what do I do?’. We then spend the next hour trying to convince him it’s still the middle of the night by saying ‘Frank, it’s the middle of the night’ repeatedly (I know but I can’t think straight – it’s the middle of the night). Before giving in sometime after 4 (after convincing ourselves that maybe 4.30 could pass as an acceptable start to the day) and putting the TV on. This sort of day cumulates in Frank falling into a deep slumber in the afternoon and then we have to endure the post nap crying ordeal for which the sirens are well and truly activated.
16. Things can be hilarious and then incredibly sad in quick succession. Examples include getting told off (hilarious) and then being sent to the naughty step (devastating), repeatedly poking a baby (side splittingly funny) and then the baby pulling your hair (mortifying), ice cream (inexplicably hilarious) that melts (hideously cruel). I totally get this, it’s like when you were at school and you make a HILARIOUS joke involving a bunson burner in a chemistry lesson and then you accidentally burn your crotch and end up breaking the bunson burner by mistake. Totally hypothetical example mum (sorry Mr Nash).
17. A three year old child has been alive for approx the same period of time as your average degree course (not yours you fancy pants Doctor/Vet/Architect etc). But it’s the same as my humble Psychology degree (you can refer to me as Hattie Harrison BSc PGCE VIP PIMP) and I can safely say I think the 3 year old might have taught me more. Well, I can remember more of these years than those, and not just because my degree was some time ago (cheeekky) or because I spent too much time in the pub and not enough in the library which I only found in my third year (true story).* But because he has actually taught me a lot. Not least that I can withstand serious sleep deprivation and emotional abuse from a slightly manic short person. At least he’s funny.
*This is NOT a true story Dad.
18. Kids are fickle. ‘You my best friend Mummy’ he said to me the other day. OMG my heart broke, I welled up, it was so emosh it almost hurt. It made it all worthwhile, the early starts, the post nap crying, the manic behaviour over the ice cream. UNTIL we were on our way to preschool and he points out the window at a homeless man ‘he my best friend mummy’. Right. So I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he is so filled with empathy that he wants to befriend the homeless man, that’s nice. UNTIL, he points at a dog (OF WHICH HE HAS A PHOBIA, HE SHAKES AND CRIES WHEN HE COMES INTO PROXIMITY WITH DOGS). ‘Mummy’ he says ‘that dog my best friend’. WTF. It was a bit much of me to read out the dictionary definitions of ‘best’ and ‘friend’ to him but either that kid is confusing ‘best friend’ with ‘mammal who terrifies me’ or he is fickle with a capital F. Still, he just said it again to me this morning so this mammal might just let it slide.
Now don’t get too excited but this blogpost is also to be continued, and it is NOT just because ending on the number 18 doesn’t sit well with me for some reason (it is). Brace yourself for the next edition – Things My Children Have Taught Me – The 6 Year Old … Meet you there.
If you can’t wait for the next edition then (a) reevaluate your life and (b) come find me in the meantime on Facebook right here.