A *FUN* morning




Easter holiday FUN

Today you are going to be FUN.

You are going to soft play today.

Course you don’t want to, but you want to be FUN today so you take your 3 under 5’s to soft play this morning. They are SO excited that they chant ’soooft play, soooft play’ for the entire half hour journey there. When you arrive you see a mammoth queue. You anticipated this.

Out come the FUN queue snacks.

The lady on the desk says the system is down. The internet is currently not working so they cannot permit you entrance. Fine, you’ll wait, it’ll be like some kind of FUN sit in for a really shitty cause you don’t believe in.

The five year old cries silent tears as she anticipates the worst. The two year old is blissfully unaware as he continues to swing on the barriers. The baby is getting hungry.

40 minutes later you are still waiting. The queue has reached ridic proportions.

You helpfully ask if they have tried turning the internet off and back on again. It doesn’t go down well.

They say there’s no point queuing. Soft play is closed. The five year old walks towards the exit, head hung. The two year old, who up till now clearly thinks that you have just been at some kind of convention for adults who like to make children wait, finally twigs.


You tell him you understand but ‘soft play is not working now’

‘BUT HIMS IS PLAYIN’’ he says (whilst pointing at a lady in soft play who is drinking coffee).

You get down to his height (you know the drill) “But, HE, I mean, SHE will be leaving soon’.

You toy with the idea of explaining that as the Internet wasn’t working, not only is the card machine unable to take payments but the establishment is not able to record the names of the people present for fire regulation purposes. But y’know, this guy doesn’t understand that if he pours water on himself he’ll get wet, so you skip the finer deets.

You make your way back to the car park with a screaming toddler under one arm and carrying THE HEAVIEST CAR SEAT KNOWN TO MAN in the other. In the car everyone is crying. This isn’t that FUN.

Your sat nav takes you a different way home. Never mind, lets mix it up a bit, no idea where you are going.

Thank God for sat nav. Sat nav is FUN. You can get some sense out of sat nav. Oh. The road ahead is closed. You have no idea where you are. Why won’t the bloody sat nav accept that you are no longer able to go that way. The sat nav is no longer your friend. Well, it might be, but it’s the one who loves One Direction.

“Where possible, make a U-turn”

Meanwhile you have realised that you can totally change the mood inside the car by singing ‘here we go Looby Lou’ in the style of the chipmunks. Everyone is laughing. This is FUN, you are FUN.

You stop singing to do a very ill advised u-ey in the middle of the road. Sat Nav told you to do it, and it’s the only sensible advice you are currently receiving.

‘AGAIN, AGAIN’. The fact you have stopped singing has not been popular with the toddler. You glance out the window and see someone watching you do a U-turn whilst singing ‘here we go Looby Lou’ in a high pitched, slightly scary voice. You’re feeling less like a fun one and more like a slight maniac. That’s ok, maniacs are FUN. You can be the fun maniac mum.

Turns out the kids thought that maniac mum was doing a U-turn to go back to the soft play and try again. Breaking it to them that you are actually finding another route home because the road was closed does not go down as well as hoped. So you say it again. In a chipmunk voice. Doesn’t work. You are not FUN.

You arrive home 3 hours after you’ve left. ‘THIS ISN’T SOFT PLAY’ says the toddler. Jeez… you know the guys aged 2 but come on, wasn’t this made apparent earlier.

This morning was not FUN.

You’ll have fun tomorrow.

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